Grammar and sentence structure may not be too good at the moment, because it is just almost too hard to make my thoughts grammatically correct. I was just ready to get on to normal life with normal routine, but God had to remind me already that there is more to this life than just going to work, coming home, and going to bed. I always pray for God to use me, because I do want to be a world changer, I just would like to do it on my own comfortable terms and preferably without any hardship along the way. What I am coming to realize is that it is just about impossible for me to be on my knees during the good times. When everything is going great at work, home, and even church I start to build myself up more and more and God becomes less and less. Why would I need God when I have all the food, shelter, clothing, health and virtually everything that I need? Some folks may be able to relate, some folks may not have a clue what I am talking about and that may just simply be because it is so hard to portray thoughts into words on paper. Regardless, I am torn up inside and just couldnt hold back the tears as I was on the way to the hospital this afternoon.
My mom was going to spend the day with Brook at the hospital, my sisters were taking all the kids to ride bikes in the barn, Drake was gonna get circumcised and just hang loose while final checkups and such were to be made before getting the clearance to be released the following day. Justin had an important meeting at 7 am and also a guided fishing trip with 10 people scheduled for 10 am, so Brook and I decided it would be no problem for me to get out for a couple hours to just get everything set up and started for the fishing trip. Justin has been taking all of the ice fishing trips we had scheduled on thurs, fri, and sat and has been putting in double time while I have been off, so I knew he could especially use a hand with this one. Mae was up at the crack of dawn and helped me get everything put together and in order for the trip, and then I dropped her off at mom's house on my way out to Norris. She loves helping me put fishing poles together and is chomping at the bit to get out fishing next. My daughter Mae and niece Shaeya are fisherman to the core and I love every minute of it!
I called my dad on the way out and uncharacteristically just needed to talk. I had a real bad feeling about leaving and he reassured me that everything was taken care of and I needed some fresh air. My mind wasnt on the guided trip and I just had an uneasy feeling. Just after lunch, my uneasy feeling was confirmed with a text message from Brook simply saying the test results were in and give her a call. My heart sunk again, the last time I left a perfectly healthy boy at the hospital for a few minutes my life took a complete 180. At least this time Brook wasnt all alone when the doctors were telling her something else was wrong with her newborn child. She broke down before the doctors got her into the room to sit down to talk, and my grandma and mom couldnt hold back tears either.
Drake has been diagnosed with Cytomegalovirus (CMV). It is a very common virus found in most humans, but can be very dangerous to infants whose mothers are infected during pregnancy. Depending on what stage of development Drake was in when Brook got the virus, greatly affects the severity of the damage it will cause during development. CMV can cause severe mental disability, vision loss, growth problems, lung problems, bleeding problems, liver problems, spleen problems, and most commonly hearing loss. The doctors are most worried about his hearing right now, but an MRI is scheduled to analyze his brain and a whole nother round of much more detailed vision, hearing and blood tests are on the way in the next couple days. He has already failed one hearing test, but that isnt too uncommon. Right now there really isnt much of anything that can be done, but to assess the condition of his brain, vision, and hearing. Most of the damage that would have been done should be done already, but the main thing that could get worse from this point moving forward is his hearing. Over the next two years he could suffer hearing loss at any given time. Past 2 years and he is typically good to go. Hear is the kicker, his hearing can most likely be saved using medication, but there are pretty harsh side affects with the treatments and they would need to be started within a week or so in order to be effective. He would have to have an IV installed in his arm and get treatments of ganciclovir every 12 hours for 6 weeks. Short term side affects are very harsh, and long term ramifications are unknown, but that is the only treatment options to save his hearing for sure. We have pretty much determined already that we wont have Drake be a guinea pig for this procedure, but will know more after all the tests come back tomorrow. It is a big decision to make.
We were going to go home early tonight, but Brook is squeezing one last feeding in before he goes down to the MRI. Last night we left the hospital at midnight. We spent a very romantic Valentines in the cafetaria from 10 to 11 pm sharing a peanut butter thunder pie, some sugar free cookie wafers, and a starbucks mocha something or other. We were just flying high and on top of the world then. Now we just have to be reminded all over again that God is in complete control and Drake is going to be even more special of a boy than we ever will realize. He is a world changer and has been showered in more prayers in his first 4 days of life than most people will have in a whole lifetime. God has a plan for him, and we are just so blessed to have him as our child. We snapped a few photos earlier in the day.
Mae finally built up enough courage to go in and hold him. Once she heard he was going to be ok and Grandma Beth being there helped nudge her along. She is so proud of her new baby.
He is starting to look exactly like my baby pictures. I was cute for the first couple years of life.
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